back to the title: how could i have ever liked you?
do you ever run into someone that you used to date, have a crush on, mildly stalked, or dot dot dott-ed with, and you wonder "what on earth was i thinking?" Do we go through life and settle, without even knowing it? or are those people right for us in that moment? at that point in life? but then as we get older, do our personalities change that much where we can honestly ask how that relationship even worked? At some point, something had to be there, right? a connection? an eeeety bitty spark? maybe that spark we turned into a wildfire in our heads, and that one connection we turned into a bonded future with that person.
"i don't regret those relationships. they taught me a lot, and now that god has healed my heart, they have helped me grow." i gotta agree with cristina on that, but at the same time i can't help but think, if i could take away this one relationship i had, would i? he caused a lot of pain. he led me down some slippery slopes. did i really benefit anything from it? well, yeah, i guess i did.... don't date someone who does drugs, drinks a lot, and has serious depression problems! maybe he is one of the biggest reasons i am ridiculously picky? to that i am grateful. with that i can look back and say to him "i don't regret you, you punk!"
but honestly, i think that a lot of it truly is lying to ourselves. letting our infatuation get the best of us. we somehow even altar who we are to mold to that person. we find ourselves catching ourselves with what we are about to say, to word it how we think they would like to hear things. THIS IS NOT OKAY! why can't we be ourselves? why can't we be honest with ourselves?
helloooo? mind? stop messin around with us, okay?
now. time to spoon. platonically.
