VENTAGE:

I ASKED A FRIEND THE OTHER DAY HOW LONG IT TAKES BEFORE THAT ONE PERSON'S NAME WILL STOP MAKING YOUR HEART JUMP EVERY TIME IT APPEARS. HE TOLD ME: SOMETIMES NEVER. EVERY DAY I AM BAFFLED AT THE EXTENT THAT I STILL CARE. I AM SURPRISED THAT MY SANITY IS STILL SOMEWHAT IN TACT. USUALLY, I CAN SLIP OFF ATTACHMENTS WITH THE BLINK OF BOTH EYES (I CAN'T WINK, WHICH WOULD BE THE BLINK OF "AN" EYE). ALTHOUGH, I USUALLY DON'T INVEST IN SOMEONE FOR MORE THAN A WEEK TO CONJURE UP MUCH OF AN ATTACHMENT. I HAVE DAYS OF EMPOWERMENT. DAYS OF FREEDOM. BUT THE MERE ACTION OF DRIVING BY THAT CERTAIN COFFEE SHOP, OR WALKING INTO THAT PARTICULAR GROCERY STORE CAN SIMPLY ALTER EVERY EMOTION WITHIN ME. I AM AT A LOSS OF WORDS. A LOSS OF EXPLANATIONS. A LOSS OF IDEAS ON HOW TO TAKE THAT NEXT STEP FORWARD. TO LIFT OFF FROM THIS ANCHOR. I AM FRUSTRATED WITH MYSELF. AS ABSOLUTELY QWARKY AS IT MAY SEEM, I HAVE EVEN COMPOSED A LIST OF ALL THE CONS. AND NONE OF THEM CAN EASE MY CONSCIENCE. AT LEAST NOT FOR MORE THAN A FEW HOURS. I AM TIRED OF CURLING UP WITH MY PILLOW, PRETENDING IT HAS YOUR SMELL. SAME GOES WITH YOUR HOODIE, WHICH I PATHETICALLY DIDN'T WASH ON PURPOSE FOR THE LONGEST TIME. BLAH BLAH BLAH. I REALLY NEED TO CALL THE WHAAAAAMBULANCE ON MYSELF. BUT FOR NOW I SIT IN MY THOUGHTS. NO ONE MADE ME FEEL AS BEAUTIFUL AS YOU DID. NO ONE MADE ME LAUGH LIKE YOU DID. NO ONE MADE ME PUSH MYSELF LIKE YOU DO. NO ONE ENCOURAGED ME LIKE YOU DID. FOR THAT I THANK YOU. EVEN IF IT IS MAKING ME BLOG LIKE A FOOL RIGHT NOW (SMILES). 

THEME MUSIC:

GET OVER IT - OKGO



my apologies for the ridiculously pathetic, sappy, late night video search results.