I'M JUST GONNA COME OUT AND SAY IT:
I CAN'T WAIT TO HAVE SEX WITH MY HUSBAND
NOW THAT WE HAVE THAT OUT OF THE WAY...
I WOULD CHARACTERIZE MYSELF AS ZOOEY D. IN THE NEW GIRL EP. 1 THE PAST FEW DAYS. KLEENEX. TEARS. EMOTIONALLY BEARING ON MY PEERS. AND INSTEAD OF DIRTY DANCING RERUNS I HAVE BEEN PATHETICALLY GOOGLING IMAGES OF AUTOMOBILES THAT I CAN'T HAVE. MY ROOM IS COVERED IN CARTONS OF ORANGE JUICE (WITH PULP), BOWLS OF HALF EATEN OATMEAL, AND EVERY SWEATSHIRT I OWN STREWN ABOUT THE FLOOR. TAKE IT IN GENTLEMEN - I AM PRIME REAL-ESTATE.
THROUGHOUT THE SERIES OF MISFORTUNATE EVENTS, I HAVE SOMEHOW STRUCK GOLD, IN THE FORM OF POTENTIAL EMPLOYMENT. THROUGH THE GRACES OF GOD AND BECCA, I HAVE HAD ONE INTERVIEW (AND 2ND TOMORROW AFTERNOON) AT A LOCAL CHIROPRACTOR'S OFFICE. THIS ISN'T YOUR AVERAGE BONE CRACKER SHOP EITHER, IT IS GOD CENTERED. INCLUDING GROUP PRAYER HUDDLES EVERY DAY BEFORE OPENING THE STORE. A-FREAKIN-MEN. NOW, SPEAKING OF MEN THAT I WOULD LOVE TO SOMEDAY FREAK. JIMMY FALLON, FOLKS. WE HAVE RAISED THE BAR. (KEEP IN MIND, IF THE WORD WE IS EVER INCLUDED IN A TOPIC POINT OF JIMMY FALLON, BECCA IS THE PERSON I AM ATTACHING TO MYSELF.) CHECK YOUR FACEBOOK EVENT INVITES. YOU MAY HAVE BEEN SELECTED TO PARTICIPATE IN THE SAUSAGE FEST OF THE SEASON. YOU WILL LOVE EVERY MOMENT OF IT. MALE AND FEMALE ALIKE. MAYBE JIMMY WILL GIVE ME A CAR AND I CAN WRITE HIM A THANK YOU NOTE, OBVIOUSLY INCLUDING THE NORMAL SEXUAL INNUENDO.
SKADOOSH.
