AFTER THREE HOURS OF INCESSANT SNEEZING. THREE HOURS OF WIPING MY NOSE RED. AND THREE HOURS OF SWALLOWING SINUS DRAINAGE I AM CERTAIN THAT, WITHIN 30 MINUTES OF THIS CONTINUING, I WILL HAVE LOST MY MIND. TO TOP OFF THE HOT MESS I HAVE BECOME IN THIS TIME FRAME, I WALKED TO THE BATHROOM TO GET, YET AGAIN, SOME MORE TISSUE FOR MY SNOUT, AND AS I PASSED THE MIRROR I NOTICED THAT MY FACE WAS COVERED IN BLUE INK. BLUE INK FROM A PEN THAT EXPLODED ALL OVER MY HAND WITHOUT ME REALIZING IT. BLUE INK, THAT FROM RUBBING MY NOSE RAW, NOW MADE ME A MEMBER OF THE BLUE MAN GROUP WITHOUT MY CONSENT. WITH MY BODY REVOLTING AGAINST MY ATTEMPTS AT SLEEP, I REVOLTED RIGHT BACK AND TOOK SOME PILLS TO KNOCK ME OUT. I AM HOPING WITHIN THAT 30 MINUTE SPAN I MENTIONED FOR ME LOSING MY MIND, I WILL BE FLAT ON MY BACK SNORING (DUE TO THE FACT THAT I CAN'T BREATHE OUT OF MY NOSE).
NEXT TOPIC.
TODAY MY FATHER FIXED MY CAR. I STOOD OUTSIDE IN THE GARAGE FOR 10 MINUTES, HOPING TO BE OF ANY USE, WHEN POPS LOOKED AT ME, WITH EYES THAT SPOKE FOR THEMSELVES. EYES THAT SCREAMED, "YOU'RE PRETTY MUCH USELESS WHEN IT COMES TO ANYTHING UNDER THE HOOD OF AN AUTOMOBILE." I GLADLY RETREATED TO THE HOUSE WHERE I SOMEHOW, SOMEWAY, TOLD MYSELF THAT I COULD SEW. RIPPED UP A SKIRT. AND STARED AT IT FOR 20 MINUTES BEFORE REALIZING I HAD ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA HOW TO SEW. IN FACT, MY SEWING SKILLS WERE JUST AS USELESS AS MY AUTOMOBILE SKILLS. I ENDED UP KNOTTING THE FABRIC INTO A SCARF, WHICH I WEAR WITH ANOTHER SCARF I BOUGHT AT A STORE, TO HIDE THE IMPERFECTIONS OF MY PERSONAL CREATION. I OBVIOUSLY HAVE BEEN WATCHING FAR TOO MANY SEASONS OF PROJECT RUNWAY. ONE MINUTE I WAS IN.... 26 MINUTES LATER I WAS OUT.
TODAY I ALSO TOLD MYSELF THAT I KNEW HOW TO COOK. I ALSO TOLD MYSELF THAT I COULD GO TO THE GROCERY STORE AND BUY ONLY HEALTHY FOOD. NOW. UNLIKE MY FAILURES FROM EARLIER IN THE DAY, BY THE GRACE OF THE MAN PORTRAYED BY MORGAN FREEMAN, I ACCOMPLISHED BOTH PURCHASING HEALTHY FOOD, AND COOKING SAID FOOD. I DID HIGHLY OVERESTIMATE HOW MUCH WHOLE WHEAT PASTA I WOULD NEED TO BUY. AND I NOW HAVE TWO HUGE CERAMIC BOWLS FULL OF HEALTHY PASTA SALAD IN THE REFRIGERATOR. I TEND TO HAVE A PATTERN OF EATING ONE TYPE OF FOOD FOR LONG PERIODS OF TIME. THIS MONTH IS PASTA SALAD, LAST MONTH WAS RAMEN. AT LEAST I AM CLIMBING THE THE LADDER A FEW RUNGS.
CAN I ASK ANYONE WHO IS READING TO DO ME A FAVOR BEFORE I END THIS LITTLE POST? SEND A PRAYER UP TO THE HEAVENS THAT IF THE INSURANCE COMPANY DOESN'T START SENDING ME CHECKS WITHIN THE NEXT WEEK, THAT PAPA BEAR, ON THE MIGHTY THRONE ABOVE, STRIKES THEM WITH LIGHTNING? OR A MINIMUM OF A PLAGUE OF BOILS? K THANKS.
