Flight. Barf bags

Learning to loosen my grip on the desires I believe posses me, and letting God take the reigns of their timing, has grown to be a top contender in my list of challenges as of late. I can easily sit back and tell myself that it's ridiculous to want to control every angle of my life when the Creator of all things good and true and lasting and loving is willing to do all of the dirty work. Is willing to carry my burdens. Who has time and time again provided me with finances, homes, and little trinkets of simple joy right when I needed them. Why then am I so very impatient? I don't think the core of me doubts that what God has for me, let's be honest, "who" God has for me, won't complete me in every unique and perfect way possible. I believe it's my heart that wishes it would happen NOW, that wants to confirm that this person is someone I should invest my time and emotions into. I could try to invest these things without romantic involvement of my heart and mind, but I usually tend to intermingle the two when I feel a pull towards someone. And since I am being truly honest and vulnerable here, I begin to be impatient when I feel challenged. When who I am desiring isn't readily accessible, isn't showing clear interest, or who has greater priorities than taking notice in me. I begin to linger on conversations I have had, and continue to have, with my Heavenly Father. Conversations where I tell Him that I need a man who stands up to me, who doesn't put me before His callings from Christ, who is willing to tell me no and doesn't compliment me every two seconds, and who loves sarcasm. I sit on those words and start to think that since this guy isn't throwing himself at my feet (and PLEASE don't think that this is me being cocky in any what way, seeing as I have been asked out on a date only once in my life), that he could posses what I have always said I needed in my spouse. I know. I can openly acknowledge that I over think everything. That analyzing every emotion I have until it is completely mutilated is a regularity in my life that is probably not the healthiest thing in the world. But, I have such a heart to love and be with that perfect love that I will not be anything but honest. Welcome to the inner cavities of my soul. Barf bags are in back pocket of the seat in front of you. I hope your flight wasn't too unbearable.