Nearly a year since I was a girlfriend.

It's been nearly a year since my last relationship. Within that time frame, a vast amount of reflection has taken place. I have asked myself why I wasn't ready to settle down, when I knew a ring had been picked. Was it because of fear? Because I didn't believe he was called to Portland? Because my personality felt as if it could overwhelm his, like a lion hunting an antelope? What I rest in knowing, is that my spirit said, "Not now". Upon exiting the relationship, I threw myself into a routine of attending multiple church services a week, refusing to talk to any men, and focusing solely on moving to the great state of Oregon. I quickly found that those multiple church services a week didn't satiate the thirst my soul was craving, and I truly believe it was because my spiritual posture had become mis-aligned. I was sitting in a pew because I felt guilty. I was bowing my head in prayer, asking God to make me less complicated, and to explain to me why my twisted self could let a man of God, who saw me as beautiful, slip through my fingers. I should have been on my knees, dying to myself, and worshiping His timing, through my confusion. Instead, I was slowly anchoring a heavy yoke to my own shoulders, instead of letting Christ carry my sorrows and burdens. Tonight, nearly a year since my last relationship, I have peace. I have simplicity. I have a path. That path? It is to focus on my groom, the King of Kings. To build up Our passion, and relationship, together. To renew my vows to the Man who has molded me into the complicated twisted woman I am today! All the while, not peering over my shoulder, in hopes to see my earthly husband, with his broad shoulders, purposefully striding towards me. Instead, I pray that my husband is focusing on renewing his vows with his Lover. His romancer. His example of what a friend, husband, and father should be. Who am I to rob him of his time with the Lord? His season of growth? I choose to rest in THIS posture.