PREFACE: I HAVE NEVER HAD THE DESIRE TO BIRTH A CHILD. NEVER EVER. EVER EVER EVER. THE IDEA OF SOMETHING GROWING INSIDE OF ME DOES NOT SOUND APPEALING IN THE LEAST. LET ALONE THE CONCEPT OF SQUEEZING SAID CREATURE OUT OF MY HOO-HOO. NOT. COOL.
LAST NIGHT I HAD, YET AGAIN, AN EXCEPTIONALLY VIVID DREAM. THIS ONE, THOUGH, LEFT ME SHAKING EVEN AS I WAS LYING AWAKE THIS MORNING. TRYING TO PIECE TOGETHER WHAT HAD JUST TAKEN PLACE. AND HERE IS WHERE I LET YOU INTO MY SUBCONCIOUS. HERE IS WHERE I ASK, IF YOU KNOW THE INTERPRETATION OF MY DREAM, TO PLEASE INFORM ME IMMEDIATELY!
I WAS AT A PARTY WITH AN EX OF MINE (LET'S CALL HIM MAX... FOR OBVIOUS REASONS). WE WERE STILL BROKEN UP DURING THE DREAM. WE HAD A BABY BOY TOGETHER. I AM GUESSING THE LAD WAS ABOUT 3 MONTHS OLD. I REMEMBER LOOKING AT MAX HOLDING OUR SON, AND THINKING, "THE AMOUNT OF LOVE HE HAS FOR OUR CHILD IS DUMBFOUNDING." MAX WAS HOLDING OUR SON, GAZING AT HIS FACE SO INTENTLY. NEVER BREAKING FOCUS. A SMILE PLASTERED TO HIS FACE. I STARTED ENVISIONING US AS A FAMILY. BACK IN LOVE. GETTING MARRIED. GIVING OUR SON THE ATMOSPHERE HE DESERVED. MAX SOMEHOW READ MY MIND, BROKE HIS GAZE FROM OUR SON, LOOKED AT ME AND SAID, "I WANT OUR FAMILY BACK... I WANT YOU BACK..." WE LEFT THE PARTY TO HEAD BACK TO MAX'S HOUSE. OUR BABY WAS FAST A SLEEP. WE TOOK HIM TO HIS ROOM, AND THEN MAX AND I CRAWLED INTO HIS BED AND...... YEAH. (I AM CRACKING UP AS I AM WRITING THIS BY THE WAY.... AHAAAAAA!) NOW, FLASH TO THE NEXT DAY. I AM AT MY MOM'S HOUSE. OUR WHOLE FAMILY IS OVER. IT'S CHRISTMAS. ALL OF THE KIDS (MY COUSINS AND I) START PLAYING OUR INSTRUMENTS. SHOWCASING OUR TALENTS. I HADN'T PLAYED THE PIANO IN YEARS, AND I WAS EXTREMELY NERVOUS TO PLUNK AT THE KEYS AFTER HEARING MY COUSINS PERFORMING SO WELL. I STARTED PLAYING ALONG WITH A COUSIN OF MINE, WHO WAS FLUTING. MY WHOLE FAMILY WAS ASHAMED OF MY PLAYING. THEY VOCALIZED, VERY CLEARLY, THAT I HAD NOTHING TO OFFER THEM. I WAS SO UPSET. I DECIDED TO GO TWO HOUSES DOWN AND GET MY SON, TO SHOW TO THE FAMILY. NO ONE KNEW I HAD A CHILD, EXCEPT MY MOM. SHE DIDN'T WANT ANYONE TO KNOW THAT I HAD A SON OUT OF WEDLOCK. I CALLED MAX, BEFORE I LEFT TO WALK TO OVER TO HIS HOUSE. I SAW HIM FROM MY LIVING ROOM WINDOW. HE WAS OUTSIDE WITH HIS FAMILY. I SAW HIM LOOK AT HIS PHONE AS I WAS CALLING HIM, AND I SAW HIM IGNORE MY CALL. I TRIED CALLING ONCE MORE AND HE DIDN'T EVEN BOTHER LOOKING AT HIS PHONE. HE AND HIS FAMILY WALKED INTO THE WOODS TOGETHER TO GO EXPLORING. I WALKED OVER TO HIS HOUSE WHERE HIS SISTER WAS STILL STAYING. SHE WAS WATCHING OUR SON. SHE GAVE HIM TO ME, AND AFTER EXPLAINING HOW MAX WOULDN'T ANSWER HIS PHONE, SHE SAID SHE DIDN'T KNOW WHY HE WOULDN'T ANSWER. THAT HE HAD TALKED ABOUT HOW HE WANTED ME BACK IN HIS LIFE. I TOOK OUR BABY BACK TO MY HOUSE WHERE MY FAMILY WAS DUMBSTRUCK. THEY SAT SILENTLY, AND EVENTUALLY IGNORED THE CHILD AND MYSELF AND STARTED A NEW CONVERSATION AMONGST THEMSELVES. LATER THAT EVENING I TRIED CALLED MAX AGAIN. HIS SISTER ANSWERED, CRYING. SHE TOLD ME THAT MAX HAD DIED IN THE WOODS THAT AFTERNOON. SHE TOLD ME THAT SHE LEFT ME SOMETHING IN THE MAIL BOX THAT HE HAD FOR ME. I RAN OUT TO THE MAILBOX WITH OUR SON, AND WHEN I OPENED IT I FOUND AN APPLE, WITH A HOLE CUT OUT OF IT, AND LINED WITH WOOD. INSIDE THE HOLE WAS AN ENGAGEMENT RING. MY WORLD WAS ABSOLUTELY CRUSHED. I DIDN'T KNOW HOW I WAS GOING TO SURVIVE LIFE WITHOUT HIM. I CURLED UP AND WEPT FOR HOURS AND HOURS AND HOURS.....
THEN I WOKE UP.
WHAT THE CRAP-O-LA!
