The past few days I have NOT been feeling well at all. I have been drugged up on Nyquil, Benadryl, TherFlu, nasal decongestants, and loads of cough drops. I hate hate hate feeling ill. Not being in control of my body frustrates the heck out of me. Luckily I slept off most of my ailed body last night through 1:45 pm today. Aha yeah. I slept A LOT, and right now I am paying for that, as I am wide awake!
A little deeper now. I am having interesting conversations with the Lord lately. I am putting a lot of things in His hands. I really do want His will in my life. But there is ALWAYS this struggle of me wanting to be in control. I am always questioning, "Okay is it okay for me to do this, to feel this way? Are the doors that are opening, opening by God's hand or am I pretending that God's hand is in this, but really it is just my own doing?" I start to get scared, and worry about making the wrong decision. I start to analyze EVERYTHING. Sometimes I wish I could just relax and enjoy life. Take turns that I am not sure are right. Peek around corners that aren't clearly labeled. Am I keeping myself from experiencing life? From experiencing love?
ALSO.
I want to pray more with my friends. Why does it just have to be over dinner? Or at church? Or because someone is having midterms or a final? Why can't it be over my favorite flavor coming out at the Sweet Cece's by my work, eh? I want to start praising God for EVERYTHING in my life. For me making the yellow light right before I turn onto Franklin Road. For not spilling 170degree milk down my leg.
ps. DEAR MALES. BE STRONG. BE MEN OF GOD. BE THE HEAD. STAND TALL. women like that. (smiles)
