Once upon a time I dated someone, someone who shouldn't have even been in my line of vision. It was when I was struggling with depression and felt unloved or desired by anyone. He was a customer at a coffee shop I worked at, and he slowly started to pursue me. He sat with me on all my breaks, and we shared stories about our lives. I should have instantly ran when he was telling me that he was an atheist, that he was 23 and divorced, and that he was a chain smoker - buuuuut he had amazing green eyes, so what did that stuff matter? (ha) He called me at work one day, on the company phone, right after he'd left visiting me there, and told me that he was too shy to ask me out in person, but was then kicking himself for not. He asked me to dinner and a movie. We had fun - but once again things were a little off. He paid for my meal, but took me to the restaurant he worked at so he could get a discount, unshamefully. We drove to the theatre and he only paid for his ticket - yeah - you heard me correctly. He invited me on a date, and then made me pay for part of it, without informing me. We ended up staying together for a couple months. Through that time I gave him my innocence, which he abused. I gave him my bike, which he wrecked two days later. Eventually I ended up giving him my car, when I bought my parent's old one from them. He would call me numerous times after work, at a party, drunk, telling me that he was sorry that he cheated on me. He even admitted to me at one point that he used drugs, as well as smoking all the time and drinking. And yet, I was at such a low spot in life, where I thought he was all I could get. That he was the only one that loved me, that I stayed with him STILL. Sadly, I didn't end it until he called me one day asking to meet up. He told me that his ex wife's boyfriend had called him and said that she was pregnant, and that it wasn't his but MY boyfriend's. This made no sense, because he was in tennessee with me - but then he looked at me and said "remember that time I went home to see family, well, I drank too much one night and my ex wife was there and well..." BAM! I remember looking at him and saying, "I am too young to be dealing with this, you are too messed up for me, and I cannot and will not take this anymore!" I got up, left, and never saw him again.
I am not proud of the way I behaved, and I am not proud of sacrifices I made. But if it weren't for this guy, I wouldn't have the standards that I have now. Sure I have messed up here and there, I am not perfect. But for the most part my life is pretty in line. I know what I deserve and God has it out there for me somewhere. He is going to give me the true desires of my heart, and I WILL BE LOVED, by someone I deserve to be loved by.
Welcome to the inside tales of Hali's broken past.
