annnnd that is precisely how I have felt the whole night. Sometimes the power of God completely overwhelms me. Naw, I am always overwhelmed by the power of God. Which results in my quivering during worship at church tonight, and shouting out repetitively, "hallelujah!". And I am not normally a shouter. I am normally a stand still with arms raised worshiper. God is completely breaking me out of my self bedazzled box, and pushing me into a kingdom with real jewels glued with gold... not a hot glue gun. God spoke to me three words that stood out: FREEDOM, BOLDNESS, AND BEAUTY. Freedom I instantly took to heart. Lately I have felt so constrained, held in a cell of how worshiping Christ should be. That there is a certain way to love, and experience Him. That there has to be order. I honestly don't agree with that, I think it's bullshit. God is so full of power and has created each and every one of us so differently. With different levels and ways to express passion. I want to experience Him freely, wildly, and without order, but in any which way He leads me. However deep and crazy it may be.
Tonight Faith and I committed to a week of prayer and fasting. Water and Juices only. Praying throughout the day for specific people in our lives, but also praying in unison at 10, 3, and 7. There is an ever cultivating power in prayer. It's a gift that is given to every one, but really isn't utilized to its fullest. We want to harness that! SO after church we went to the Walmart Marketplace at the corner of my street to stock up on some liquids. When we got to the counter I told the cashier it was okay if she thought we had the strangest basket full of groceries she'd seen. She laughed and said she had seen worse. God started telling me, "be bold, be bold", so I started to explain to her why we were buying so much juice and water. That we were replacing our meals, fleshly desires, and refocusing that time on praying for someone dear to our hearts. She looked a little baffled, and said that was really nice of us. She said she's not sure if she could go without eating for a week. So I proceeded to explain to her that fasting didn't have to be giving up food necessarily, but giving up something that consumes your time or your body, and instead of, say, watching TV for an hour, you'd pray for an hour. She asked a few questions and continued to say how nice we were. Right as we were about to leave God was telling me to ask her if she needed prayer. UGHH! I started to feel awkward. That was just enough to push me out of my comfort zone. There were two other people in line listening to us and waiting for us to get our butts out of line so they could check out. BUT how am I going to be bold if I never step out, so I mustered up my courage and said, "Hey, Angela (thanks to her nametag!), before I go, is there anything I can pray about for you?" She looked a little stunned, and said, "Not really". (WHoooomp) I told her I would pray for her in general then! And right before we left she spoke up, "Actually... my financial situation isn't so great, could you pray for that?" BAM!!!! HOLY AMAZING JESUS! Needless to say, I said of course, and that I was sure I would see her around!
After the liquid was purchased, Sarah, Faith, and I met up at my house and spent an intense hour submersed in prayer. Laying hands over each other, and speaking life and breaking bondage over all of the people in our lives. It was so beautiful. God was just reigning down on us like none other. OH I wish I could have seen His face as He saw His children really pressing into Him! After prayer we went to my car to listen to a cassette Faith had brought with her. It was a recording of her getting prophetic word this past Saturday. Faith had actually stopped by my work on Saturday, to see me during my last shift at Starbucks, and told me she was going to this meeting to get prophetic word. I told her, "Get some for me!!! no really!!!" But I honestly had forgotten all about me telling her that. WELL we were listening to this tape and there were two people prophesying over her, and let me tell you, did they have a direct connection to God! They were pulling up things from Faith's past that not everyone knows about. Annnd they male speaking over her used an Inspector Gadget analogy which instantly made me like him even more (smiles). In the middle of the tape the woman prophesying over Faith said, "I am hearing, and I don't know why, the word 'Jewish'. Then a pause, 'Jewish, my beautiful one, I love you!". As soon as I heard her say "Jewish" I KNEW God was speaking to me. I was in the car holding back tears. Faith had earlier been praying over me tonight about how beautiful I am, that I am stunning, and I need to know that. I have always struggled with self confidence and feeling like I am never good enough. Hearing those words spoken by the woman prophesying, completely broke me. MY FATHER LOVES ME!
AHHHHhhhhh tonight has just been absolutely remarkable. My excitement to press in even more ever growing! I am planning on going to a retreat with my church called Encounter. I have only heard the most amazing things about it. That you go there ready to weed out all of the lies and troubles you struggle with, then you get there and realize how utterly messed up you are, even more than you thought, but you leave refreshed, renewed, and with joy, grace, and mercy completely filling the holes where lies and struggles used to reside! Mmmmmm.
