CHILD'S HEART.

IN MANY WAYS I AM STILL IN POSSESSION OF A CHILD'S HEART. I LOVE TO TRAVEL BACK IN TIME TO MY YOUTH. IN MEMORIES, AND IN ACTIONS. IN HOPES, AND IN DREAMS. I CRAVE TO FEEL THE TWISTS AND TURNS OF MY STOMACH DANCING AT THE TOUCH A MAN'S HAND TO MY HAND. THE SIMPLICITY OF SUCH AN ACTION IGNITING MY CHEEKS TO A ROSE TINT IS MY DRUG. SO MUCH INNOCENCE HAS BEEN LOST OVER THE YEARS. EMOTIONAL ATTACHMENTS ARE REACHED ONLY WHEN SURPASSING LIP LOCKING AND BED KNOCKING. THOUGH I AM STILL A VIRGIN, I HAVE HAD MY FAIR SHARE OF DOWNWARD SPIRALS. MOMENTS OF LAPSED JUDGMENT. YET, THROUGH ALL OF THIS, THE ONE THING I CHERISH, AND CLING TO MOST, IS THE FEELING OF SOMEONE HOLDING MY HAND. IF THERE IS A SPARK FROM THE INITIAL TOUCH OF HIS FINGERTIPS, I AM HOOKED. SADLY, SO OFTEN I HAVE TRIED TO PUSH AWAY THE LACK OF A SPARK AND HOPE THAT WITH FURTHER PHYSICAL AND EMOTIONAL PURSUIT A GENUINE ATTACHMENT WOULD FORM. NOW - I AM NOT SAYING THAT THE SPECIAL TOUCH OF A HAND DETERMINES THE FRUITFUL OR POISONOUS OUTCOME OF A RELATIONSHIP. YET, I DO FIND MORE REALISTIC POTENTIAL THROUGH IT, THAN RUSHING INTO TANGLE OF LIMBS ON A COUCH AT MIDNIGHT. PERHAPS I SOUND OLD FASHIONED. JUDGE AS YOU WILL. BUT THE OLDER I GET, THE MORE DETERMINED I AM TO LIVE THROUGH MY CHILD-LIKE HEART. TO CLING TO THE DREAM THAT MY PHYSICAL BOUNDARIES WILL NOT ONLY BE RESPECTED, BUT ALSO EXPECTED IN RETURN BY A MAN. I OFTEN HAVE TO KEEP MYSELF FROM DOUBTING THE POSSIBILITY OF FINDING SOMEONE AS WRAPPED UP IN INNOCENCE AS I AM. IT SEEMS, IF HE DOES EXIST, HE PROBABLY LIVES ON MARS, AND I WILL FINALLY FIND HIM AS I AM BEING RAPTURED THROUGH THE CLOUDS AND SPACE. WE LOCK HANDS AS I PASS BY HIS PLANET, MY CHEEKS TURN ROSE AT THE TOUCH OF HIS FINGERTIPS, AND WE FLY TOGETHER TO HEAVEN AND LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER. I WILL ALSO ALLOW YOU TO JUDGE ME FOR THE SCENARIO I JUST STATED. CONTINUING ON WITH LOST HOPE: I AM GOING ON A DATE TONIGHT. A REAL DATE. THIS NEVER HAPPENS, SO I WILL TAKE THE TIME TO GIVE YOU THE BACKGROUND STORY. FRIDAY NIGHT A FRIEND OF MINE CAME INTO TOWN, WHO HAS NEVER BEEN TO NASHVILLE. SOME NASHVILLE COMPANIONS AND I TOOK HIM DOWNTOWN TO EXPERIENCE A LIVE HONKY TONK, ONE OF THE MOST POPULAR OF WHICH IS THE STAGE. AT THIS PARTICULAR BAR/HONKY TONK THERE WAS, OF COURSE, A COVER BAND PLAYING. WE HUDDLED CLOSE TO THE STAGE (LITERALLY, NOT THE BUILDING AS A WHOLE) TO LISTEN TO THE REMAINING 35 MINUTES OF THEIR SHOW. HUMMING ALONG TO THE TUNES I SUBCONSCIOUSLY BEGAN TO NOTICE EACH BAND MEMBER. MY EYES EVENTUALLY BEGAN TO LINGER ON THE BASS PLAYER, THUS PRODUCING THOUGHTS IN MY HEAD, SUCH AS, "HE HAS A NICE FACE. AND EYES, AND....". SUDDENLY, TO MY SURPRISE, AMIDST MY THOUGHTS, HE LOOKED STRAIGHT AT ME AND SMILED. AS MY MOM SO BEAUTIFULLY STATED, "IT WAS LIKE BEING IN A MUSEUM, AND AS YOU ARE OBSERVING AND ADMIRING A STATUE, OR PAINTING, AND THE SUBJECT SUDDENLY COMES TO LIFE AND SMILES AT YOU." NOW, IF YOU KNOW ME, YOU KNOW I NEVER BELIEVE THAT ANY GUY EVER LOOKS AT ME. IF THEY DO, THEY HAVE TO BE BLATANTLY OBVIOUS, OR WILL NOT NOTICE. FOR THE REMAINING SET I WAS FULLY AWARE THAT THIS MAN WAS MOST ASSUREDLY, VERY REPETITIVELY, SMILING AT ME. I TRIED VOCALIZING THIS TO THE TWO FRIENDS WITH ME, ALAS THEY DOUBTED. AFTER THE BAND COMPLETED THEIR SET, I TURNED MY BACK TO THE STAGE TO BEGIN WALKING OUT OF THE BUILDING, MY COMPANIONS ALREADY OUT THE DOOR. AS I BEGAN TO MOVE I FELT A TAP ON MY SHOULDER, AND I TURNED AROUND TO THE SMILING BASS PLAYER. TO SHORTEN THINGS - HE SAID I WAS "CUTE AS A BUTTON", ASKED IF ANY OF THE COMPANIONS WERE MY BOYFRIEND, ASKED IF HE COULD CALL ME SOMETIME, GOT MY NUMBER, AND I WAS ON MY WAY. THIS WAS ALL FOLLOWED UP BY MY DEAR FRIEND BRAD SAYING, "WELL I'LL BE DAMNED - SHE WASN'T KIDDING..." HERE I AM TODAY, TWO PHONE CALLS LATER, AND A DATE TO A CONCERT AT 3RD AND LINDSLEY TO SEE THE TIME JUMPERS. I AM BATTLING TWO EMOTIONS: BLISSFUL EXCITEMENT AND DOUBT. I HAVE YET TO FIND OUT IF THIS MAN HAS A PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP WITH CHRIST, AND HOW HE FEELS ABOUT CATS. OBVIOUSLY, THE TWO MOST IMPORTANT THINGS IN MY LIFE BESIDES JIMMY FALLON. I FEEL AS IF I SHOULD LET HIM SEE SOME MORE SANE QUALITIES OF MINE BEFORE I WHIP OUT THE, "I HAVE A TALK SHOW HOST'S INITIALS TATTOOED ON MY BODY, AND IF HE EVER DIVORCES HIS WIFE, I WILL MARRY HIM WHETHER I AM IN A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE ELSE OR NOT..." CARD. NOW. I AM PRAYING THAT I WILL CONTINUE TO BE THOROUGHLY IMPRESSED BY THIS LAD, AND MIGHT SEE POTENTIAL IN A RELATIONSHIP, YET ALSO PREPARING MYSELF TO CONTINUE HOLDING ONTO MY CHILD'S HEART AND BOUNDARIES, NO MATTER HOW DIFFICULT IT MAY BE. PHEW. YOU DESERVE AN AWARD IF YOU READ THIS WHOLE THING. IMAGINE ME HANDING YOU A LATE NIGHT WITH JIMMY FALLON COOZY. YOU'RE WELCOME.