Pepper spray plans.

For being as much of a free spirit as I say that I am, I really try to control situations. I tend to be the one with an opinion. A plan. It's really hard for me to let go of the picture in my head. Whether it be a group activity, thought out for months, and suddenly falling to pieces and morphing into another night in. Or, it being the idea of a perfect relationship, suddenly coming to a halt when I figure out that he believes Conan is better than Fallon. I Invest so much heart and emotion into my plans, that when they crumble, my heart breaks. This. This is something God is working with me on.

We all know I am going to Israel in a couple months, and I am already freaking out about not having an itinery, being a burden to my family because I won't know what to do with myself, and wondering if pepper spray can deflect a bomb. But, what I'm realizing, through constant smacks on the head from Jesus, is that if I confine myself to a box of plans, I am going to miss out on beautiful experiences, that lie past that boundary line. I absolutely love adventure, and meeting new people. I usually encounter both of those scenarios when plans fray, so why should I even try to organize everything in the first place?

Imagine then how I feel about not having a job or place to live lined up for when I move to Portland. I have enough money saved up to live out there for a couple of months without a job, but that is not ideal. The housing scenario scares me a little more. I would love to have a place lined up before I get out there, but most places won't hold space for you, and won't let you sign and fax over papers. They want to see you in person. If anyone in Portland is willing to house me and my cat for a night or two when I first arrive, that'd be cool. (or if anyone has a decent sized cardboard box and back yard?)

I promised myself that even if nothing is set up before my estimated departure date, I was still going to leave. This is the time of my life, I am young, and free. I want to live my life as a storybook, to eventually share with my child, and grandchildren. 

So. If you see me stressing out about plans. About my idea of perfect. Smack me in the head... Gently.