-my first Moth StorySLAM
-my first sour beer
-my first time living alone
-my first time smoking a cigar
And, most recently...
-my first time fully diving into the dating scene.
Dating. It's exhausting. I have to say, any past relationships I have been in, were unexpected. Not earned, really. They just, happened. In Nashville, I never got asked out. Really. Most men there are so wrapped up in the music scene, that pursuing a female is on the back burner of their hypothetical stove. Their career, and fame, take up the three other burners, the oven, and the broiler. SO, to take on a dating app, in a new city, where the culture of men was still foreign to me, was somewhat exhilarating and terrifying.
For those of you wondering... Yes, it was Tinder. I know you read "app" and instantly started judging me. It's fine. I judge myself too. I honestly thought what everyone thinks when they hear "Tinder": hook-ups. But then, I thought, if I am on there, and I am a solid Christian girl, there has to be some solid Christian guys who have somewhat hesitantly pressed "download" too. And, if not, I walk out with new friends, in a new city.
I walked out with a lot of friends.
I don't think I ever expected to meet someone and fall in love via social media, but I am also never one to say never. I have met some really amazing men, and even though we don't line up in lifestyle, that is important to me in a spouse, they have offered me so much insight and joy, that I wouldn't have known before.
I have since deleted the app, and am still single. I have met one guy who was sincerely sparked an interest, and could potentially turn into something more, but I'm trying not to invest too much hope off the bat.
When the timing is right, things will align. When I let go, and God steps in, that's when love knocks. When I rest, that's when I will be pursued.
My heart longs to be pursued, in a slow way. I want to be halted, to be given the space and time, within a growing relationship, to savor the connection and beautiful characteristics of the relationship that fit so perfectly together. I can't wait to be looked at with tender admiration. To be honored and admired for my strength. To be cradled in my weakness. But most importantly, to be seen as a blessing, and counterpart, gifted by Jesus, and not by luck.
