HAPPY HALLOWEEN, Y'ALL. IN SHAME I DECLARE THAT IT HAS BEEN AT LEAST THREE YEARS SINCE I LAST CARVED A PUMPKIN. NEXT YEAR? PERHAPS I WILL CARVE A WATERMELON FOR SUMMER'S SAKE. NEEDLESS TO SAY, A BIT OF MY HOLIDAY SPIRIT IS MISSING. I AM PROUD TO ANNOUNCE THAT A COSTUME IS NOT IN THE "LACKING" CATEGORY. TODAY I HAVE TAKEN ON THE IDENTITY OF A TRAFFIC LIGHT - COMPLETE WITH MANAGER, TAKING ON THE IDENTITY OF A ROAD. THE INNER-DORK HAS EMERGED, FOLKS. AFTER A FULL DAY DONNING THE IDENTITY OF WALDO, ALONG WITH 10 OTHERS, THE LAST THING I WANTED WAS A COSTUME THAT RENDERED THE SAME RESPONSE FROM EVERY PERSON WHO LOOKED IN MY DIRECTION ("I FOUND YOU!!"). AS ALWAYS, I AM GOING TO SWITCH TO A TOPIC THAT RELATES TO ABSOLUTELY NOTHING PREVIOUSLY STATED. WELL, PERHAPS IT DOES... WHILE IN LINE FOR THE RAPTOR. SARAH AND I WERE DISCUSSING DATING. JUST KIDDING, IT WAS MOSTLY JUST ME VENTING MY FRUSTRATION ON THE TOPIC. I AM AT THIS PLACE WHERE I WONDER IF I SHOULD EVEN ACCEPT THE INVITATION TO GO OUT ON A DATE, IF ONE WERE OFFERED TO ME. I HAVE ENDED UP ACCEPTING DATES WITH GUYS WHO (AND THIS IS NOT SUPPOSED TO COME ACROSS COCKY) BECOME ATTACHED TO ME WITHIN TWO DATES TIME. I END UP FINDING OUT A FEW KEY THINGS THAT WOULD LEAVE ZERO ROOM FOR A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP, AND I CALL OFF ANY "ROMANTIC" POSSIBILITIES WITH THE FELLA, AND HE GETS HIS HEART BROKEN. HERE IS WHERE THE CONTEMPLATION OF EVEN ACCEPTING COMES TO PLAY: WITH ME MOVING TO PORTLAND NEXT YEAR, IS IT EVEN WORTH IT TO DATE NOW? I AM NOT SAYING THAT MY HUSBAND IS 100% IN PORTLAND, AND THAT EVERY GUY HERE DOES NOT STAND A CHANCE. I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE MY HUBBY TO BE IS. THE LAST THING I WANT TO DO IS LIMIT HIS POSSIBILITIES. FOR ALL I KNOW HE COULD BE THE BUTCHER AT THE LOCAL DELI (LORD HELP ME, I REBUKE THAT STATEMENT...). NOW I HAVE TO LOOK AT WHERE MY HEART IS FOR ACCEPTING A DATE WITH A GUY, AND WITH EACH GUY THE HEART OF THE MATTER MIGHT VARY AT FIRST. I WANT MY HEART TO BE ACCEPTING A DATE FOR THE POTENTIAL OF A RELATIONSHIP, FOR THE POTENTIAL OF A MARRIAGE. IF I KNOW OFF THE BAT THAT THE MAN I WOULD BE ACCEPTING A DATE WITH IS COMPLETELY AGAINST MOVING ACROSS THE COUNTRY, DOESN'T HAVE A HEART FOR THE LORD, AND SMOKES POT EVERY DAY - THEN MY HEART IS PROBABLY IN THE STATE OF JUST WANTING ATTENTION AND ADORATION, NOT THE FULL GIFT OF A HUNK OF BEAUTIFUL SPIRITUAL MAN GOD HAS FOR ME. NOW, IF I FIND MYSELF THINKING ABOUT ACCEPTING A DATE WITH A MAN WHO GIVES OFF THE RIGHT VIBES, WHO I KNOW HAS A LOT OF CHARACTERISTICS THAT I DESIRE IN A SPOUSE, AND THAT I WANT TO GET TO KNOW A LITTLE MORE TO SEE IF HE POSSESSES THE KEY THINGS I NEED IN MY PERMANENT CUDDLE MACHINE, THEN IS IT WRONG TO ACCEPT A DATE WITH THEM? MY FIRST INSTINCT IS NO. MY PROBLEM WITH JUST ACCEPTING THIS NATURAL INSTINCT IS THAT I HAVE A FEAR OF NOT KNOWING FROM THE FIRST MOMENT IF I COULD BE WITH A SPECIFIC SOMEONE. MOSTLY BECAUSE THERE IS AN UNDERLYING POSSIBILITY OF ME HURTING THEM. I HAVE LEARNED, FROM PAST EXPERIENCES, THAT YOU DO KNOW REALLY QUICKLY, AFTER TWO DATES AT THE LEAST, IF SOMEONE IS DEFINITELY NOT YOUR MATCH. AND I HAVE LEARNED NOT TO LEAD THEM ON IN FEAR OF HURTING THEM BY BREAKING IT OFF. IT WILL ONLY BACKFIRE MORE THE LONGER YOU WAIT. (SIGHS) I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY JIMMY FALLON WON'T RIDE TO MY HOUSE ON A WHITE HORSE AND TAKE ME CAPTIVE ALREADY. LIFE WOULD BE SO MUCH SIMPLER.
RANT CLOSED.
